two thousand and seventeen

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a little something i did for our first anniversary last tenth of december, teehee

you know what i honestly miss about two thousand seventeen?

the freedom i had. ok. not really. contradicting statement right there because i wasn’t really free enough- technically, because i had to watch out for a baking baby inside my womb; it’s honestly what most, if not all, new mothers miss, i’m sure of that.

having a new baby is an undeniably unforgettable experience. imagine: waking up to a loud shriek coming from a baby who’s trying to poop beside you in the morning, and if you’re lucky, you don’t get poop all over the bed; waking up to the sound of your baby gasping for milk; and what i love most, waking up the same time your baby does, turning your head to see two big eyes staring back at you followed by a gummy smile (or grin) flashing back at you, brighter than the sun outside, on those calm days.

i never regret having my baby, and i knew, to any extent of pain i’d gone through to deliver him, it was all worth it.

what i miss in two thousand seventeen though, is the freedom i had without worrying about mini husband+i.

i miss travelling. i miss being mobile. i miss deciding for myself, and having my husband decide for just the both of us. i miss going around, just the two of us, or just by myself.

i miss having a schedule that i would be able to take control of myself, for example: waking up at any time of the day, knowing what i want to do and actually executing my morning face-wash routine. i would go down and be able to cook my husband and i “nasi goreng” and watch whatever was on tv until he has to go for work (if he even has any on that day). we’d be able to go out for lunch or dinner at any time of the day, and hang out drinking green tea latte at TAPAK. we’d then head back home, settle down and watch any new movies (downloaded ones of course) on tv and doze off at our own will.

none of baby-worrying, such as: waking up with limited time to stretch around because once your baby wakes up, you wake up too, and you gotta make sure you get that bath ready ASAP just so the warm water doesn’t cool down and so he doesn’t fuss if we wait too long that he ends up becoming sleepy again (and with sleepiness comes fuss, with fussiness, the whole diaper-changing table becomes a boxing ring for both baby and parent of the day). no having to control what i eat incase he develops a rash on his face or incase he becomes airy. airy is also another equivalent to fussiness, so. hmm.

here i am missing so much of my freedom, and i have yet to reach the eating, crawling, walking, running, climbing and throwing everything onto the floor phase.

but it’s never wrong for a mother to miss being nothing else but her, and just herself, no?

like i said.

i miss being myself, and i miss being me, but missing just what it is- missing. i miss it, but given the opportunity to travel back in time to live it again in exchange for my precious little being, i wouldn’t trade it for anything.

i love being a wife, and now, a mother. no matter how overwhelming it may be at times of hardship, i would never trade my current position, for the world.

that’s what i miss, but as two thousand seventeen becomes what’s past, what i miss too, shall pass.

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