it feels better when it’s written

since my last posting, i’ve been feeling quite low. i’ve fought quite hard the first and second lockdown, but this time around it feels a tad bit too difficult. could it be that i’m Actually experiencing pandemic lethargy?

perhaps it’s also a number of factors contributing to this unpleasant feeling i’ve been carrying around with me. first being the fact that my masters is starting very soon (in 2 months to be exact) and i haven’t had enough time to brush up on my skills. i believe in the idea that a person can hang onto something should they simply be thrown into it, but it is of course, always best to prep ahead, isn’t it?

i’ve written two paragraphs with question marks as endings. not sure what to make of it but it does seem to explain the state of mind i’m currently in.

i’ve got quite a lot of things on my plate now. back when i thought i did, it wasn’t nearly as close as how much i have now. back then it was prolly a lot but i could say it’s drooping out of my plate right this moment.

that’s the problem, being someone who has difficulties grasping focus. i’m balancing my scarf business, my freelance illustration business, my animation business, my upcoming masters and also a tiny family. if not for my family’s assistance & help, i don’t think i would’ve been able to cope with everything.

my son though, has grown to become a champ. his heart is all over numbers and alphabets, he’s thankfully very much into spelling, reading and singing, and he’s a little active monkey. i wouldn’t be able to thank Allah enough for gifting me such a perfect boy. yes, his antics and rebellious streak (which he’d probably inherited from both AG and i) can set the both of us fuming in flames but i’ve read a number of articles on this and it does seem to be part and parcel of one gifted with intelligence. let’s hope that’s it then. haha

otherwise, it’s all been good. i’ve also had trouble trying to understand instagram’s algorithm. seems to be that they absolutely love it when we’re actively posting & engaging with people on the app, but it also seems that too much of doing so would repel my audience instead. i’m not too engrossed with calculating & overcoming their algorithm, though posting & engaging whilst concerning about the algorithm does play an important role for someone whose grocery trips depends on my engagement rate.

we’ve cleared some parts of the house and even if there’s still plenty of it to manage, it does feel quite therapeutic seeing a lot of clutter (main contributor: me) being cleared out. i kept on reciting the marie kondo mantra repeatedly to make sure i don’t make wrong decisions throwing out things i’d cry out for in the future.

let’s see how things go soon! i can’t wait to update more. writing all my thoughts and updates down does seem like quite a curative activity so i might just pick it up again!

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