zero one two, two six four,

i was performing my subuh prayer when it suddenly dawned onto me that i actually have the funniest, most supportive friends that i could never have asked for.

i remembered back when i was thirteen or fourteen. it was when i first had a bedroom of my own, all to myself. i’ve always slept with at least one person accompanying me at night – mother, sister, maid; and i never had problems with ‘being afraid of anything’ (unless my brother walks in and starts pretending to be a random balinese ghost, etc).

so at that point of time, ‘phonecalls’ and ‘text messages’ were definitely the ‘it’ thing. i mean. hello, teenagehood, how could ‘phonecalls’ and ‘text messages’ not be an ‘it’ thing?

before i had a legit boyfriend when i was thirteen, my ‘phonecalls’ and ‘text messages’ were strictly limited to friends (and flings), and most of them revolved around topics of daily-activities and stories. i would have a friend calling me at night, just randomly talking about what they did that day and we’d exchange thoughts about it, or we’d be talking about our past experiences and share how we view the world. one of the friends who had the pleasure of ‘layan-ing’ me would sometimes be Namira.

this is where the funny starts. one night i was talking on the phone with her until i remembered that i haven’t performed my isya’ prayer but it was already two in the morning.

my house is never friendly at two in the morning. mother had (still does) this policy where we would have to keep the lights off (or only have one small lightsource on) throughout the whole night. therefore, being a very creative and imaginative girl that i was, i’d imagined all atrocities of the world waiting to engulf me the moment i opened my bedroom door. i would feel so anxious and nervous about going out to even pee, that i’d force myself to hold it in until the next morning! that’s how scared i was.

back to the story, i obviously had to perform my isya, and of course these things never really existed in reality, especially if we intend to walk over to the bathroom to take our ablution- duh, of course Allah watches over us every single time; so i had actually no rights to feel afraid at all.

but i was.

i would ask namira to call me, in hopes that she would actually accompany me on the phone as i run over to the bathroom to take my ablution. being a great friend that she was, she actually agreed to it!

so there i went, scrambling to the bathroom the moment i opened my bedroom door and shut it tight behind me (of course la, so that no ghosts or ghouls could sneakily get into my room when i’m not looking?), later on placing my phone on any dry surface i could find and quickly took my ablution- all this, while namira was on the phone waiting and hearing every single movement or sound i made;


it didn’t just stop there, honestly.

i would sometimes still have that heeby jeeby feeling at the age of sixteen, and since adilah and i were seatmates at school, i would call her too, with the same request.

it sometimes gets really bad to the point that i would ask her to stay with me on the phone as i perform my isya, because my paranoia would sometimes intensify as i pray. i would have all this imaginations of turning to give my salam to the angels on our right and left, only to witness a scary face. so knowing that adilah’s on the phone waiting and accompanying me, i didn’t feel as paranoid as i would normally do.

so this morning when i finished my prayers and recited all my dua’s, the thought of having someone on the phone accompanying me as i take my ablution and perform my prayers actually entertained me. i literally couldn’t stop smiling as i remembered every single sequence- from calling them, asking if they could keep me company, rushing off to the bathroom, rushing back into my bedroom, hastily putting on my telekung and then calmly praying with a sense of security at the thought of someone ‘accompanying’ me via phonecall;

i got up to fold my prayer mat and telekung, thinking to myself, “if i were any of them, i would’ve laughed my ass off at myself for being paranoid at such a petty thing”. then again, at that moment of teenhood, it wasn’t petty and the fact that it wasn’t petty actually made me into a braver young-adult who now views it as something petty.

i’m sure all of you did the silliest things no one could ever have thought of back when you were a teenager, no?

i’m so glad i could laugh it all off now!

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