i tell you man. taking pictures having to hold each other right after you’re solemnized is absolutely awkward.
getting married takes a lot of time and planning, really! please. take it from a girl who has to plan it while finishing her final semester of her degree. it’s tough, but worth everything.
here i am with another wedding post, and a pretty crucial one for muslims because it’s all about the real deal- the solemnization! i won’t be going into detail in terms of finances though because i’m pretty sure you guys understand that some information are meant to be enclosed, personal, and private. so lets begin.
we all know how important money is when it comes to getting married, yes, however, you don’t need a lot of money to get married actually (well it depends, again, if you’re planning on having a winterwonderland themed solemnization etc where everybody sits on fake snow watching you two being solemnized to each other, then that’s a totally different case).
all you need to remember are these five pillars of marriage: the groom, the bride, the bride’s wali (custodian/protector), two witnesses and the ceremony itself.
as i said, i won’t be going into detail. basically i’m here to tell you that YOU NEED TO PLAN AHEAD, and when i mean PLAN AHEAD, i really mean, PLAN AHEAD.
ag proposed to me seven to eight months before our solemnization date (which also falls on my brother’s birthday!), and in the midst of my finals and shifting hxz’s management, it was a really as though i was balancing myself while i carry three potato sacks in a ship sailing through a storm in the middle of the pacific ocean. it totally WASN’T PLANNED.
why agree to such an early date, and why not rest after studies, then plan later on? well. nothing good comes easily, and the marriage proposal was already something good. i knew what i was getting into, but i also knew that i’m not one to believe in getting engaged and waiting a year (two or more even?) before getting married. this is solely my point of view, but yes honestly i think if a lady is to be married to one who has proposed, it should be soonest as possible.
so what i had in my marriage preps were mainly a: checklist, and, female family members. trust me. your female family members would know their stuff.
oh let me tell you one thing, during my previous relationship before ag came into the beautiful picture, i’d have to force myself to overcome the “i dont want to get married” thoughts in my head. i was interested in relationships yes, but i wasn’t interested in a marriage. not because i didn’t admire or care for any of those whom i’d taken a fancy for, but because i just didn’t think a married life would suit me.
bullshiiii-0reewklfj!! haha. are you kidding me?
of course i knew a married life would’ve suited me well enough! i was just once heartbroken, badly, and from then onwards i didn’t think anybody in the world deserved any of the love i had inside me (drama, kan? i know). i was so heartbroken to the point that i lost 10kgs, spent most of my time alone or jogging in the evening, and worked so hard on getting myself on the right track (both wordly and spiritually).
that was also, honestly, the time that i’d started donning the hijab.
even so, i was still doubtful about getting married. when i progressively began to believe that getting married should be ‘okay‘ again for me, there stood Erida (greek goddess of hatred) right in front of me, slapping my face in slow-mo.
so truthfully, i then actually gave up on getting married, regardless of me still, being in a (broken) relationship at that point of time.
i’d look at people going for weddings, dressed in bright colours – if not, presentably, with smiles all carved onto their faces with their plus ones. i’d think to myself, “i’ll never get married” and i’d force a smile out, already imagining myself with grey hair, locked in a room filled with sketched papers, paint all over the wall and a tonnes of imacs rendering jobs. that was when i had the strength to break things off for good.
so point is, i used to not want to get married. i used to be the friend who would feel nauseous at the sight of chickflicks and romcoms on the screen while my friends would be going all, “omg cutenyeeeee” and “sweet gila laki tu!“. i used to be the friend who’d discourage them when their crushes approach em. i used to be the friend who wouldn’t even care less about how pretty so and so’s wedding dress/pelamin is, and i used to be the one friend who couldn’t tell the difference between a doorgift and a barang hantaran. that was how much i’d disassociated myself with the topic of ‘marriage’ and ‘weddings’.
so if you think you happen to be in such a phase, fret not. you are not alone.
anywho. once ag suddenly magically popped out of nowhere and proposed to me, my mother and sister began to slowly explain to me what was what and the procedures to getting married. they saved my life!
my priority list was as so:
- getting legal documentations approved for the marriage to be carried out (application form gotten online, hiv test, pengantin lelaki completes his application first before handing it to his wife-to-be for her to complete the whole application)
- setting dates so that we could already scout around/start booking a venue for the reception.
- planning a pelamin design (or searching for a pelamin designer)
- thinking of the barang hantaran items, whether to have a 1-1, a 5-5, a 5-7 or 7-9?
- doorgifts, making sure it doesn’t burst our budget.
- our wedding attires.
- photographers and videographers? eep!
- sound and backline for the nikah and well mainly the reception.
- oh, i forgot, please do switch this with number 3: GETTING A CARD DESIGN SETTLED AND SET A DATE FOR IT TO BE SENT OUT
- catering and tents for the nikah
- making sure any of us don’t fall sick a day before the nikah or on the nikah day itself.
so if you’re planning a wedding maybe you could cross-check some of the points i’d stated above incase you missed anything, and suit it to your wedding expenses/plans.
imagine, having to think of all that + contacting people and see my mother crying almost every other day out of stress while hxz goes through a management shift + completing my fyp project and helping out my class for our final year exhibition.
it was like.. a whole lot of different lauks in my plate at that point of time, but that’s the thing that i keep saying. PLAN AHEAD. my mother insisted i’d plan a lot of things ahead, have a proper timeline and followthrough, and honestly it helped ease a lot of what could’ve been unsolved situations.
i don’t know how others plan their solemnization and how you’d plan it out to be. regardless of how much the cost is, if you’re in the planning phase or still doubtful about getting married, i have mad respect for you guys and please do know, that you all deserve the good in your life especially after all the pain that comes towards the end.